Pretend...

I love listening to my children play. Especially when they play pretend. 
Things like  "let's pretend we are twin sisters and don't know it! And I become famous and you become a Dr. And then we both grow up and have 10 kids each. What are we going to name them?"

Or... "I'm the mom and you're the daughter. Daughter it's time for bed sweetheart." "ok mommy."

Or... "you be princess Leia and I'll be Luke Skyealker' Come save me Luke! Jabba is here an he's trying to get me!"

I love the age where my kids are at. 7,5,3. The ages of no worries. No commitments other than the occasional music lesson or sports team. An age when school is fun and you fight with your best friend and then quickly get over it after a minute and continue to play like nothing has happened. 

The age of discovering the world and being yourself. Where the sun is always shining and it's always spring.  Where you truly believe with your whole heart that you are a beautiful princess or a Jedi knight.  I wish I could bottle it and sell it. Or perhaps just keep for myself! 

Life is good.

May 20, how random...

I was sitting at Starbucks for one of my every other day routines of drinking a warm drink and reading a good book. I told Sam, the mysterious girl behind the counter, I need my quiet time! So this is where I come. To read, to meditate, to be me and.. Perhaps today, listen. 

 I finished a book two days ago and I am quite certain that I won't find another book as good as 'the Book Thief.'  Ok, I know I will. I often get this feeling after reading a really good book. How am I ever going to top this one?! I'm sure I will.  I have the book 'Heaven is for real' in my hands as we speak and I dare say it's not speaking to me yet, but I will give it a chance.  I'm only on page 30. I've heard great things. 

As I searched my Kindle just waiting for a title to JUmP out at me, I found myself not being able to focus on what I was doing. Just then, something happened.

But first, let me start here. 

My mind has been in turmoil lately. Actually for about a year and a half. I question everything. I guess that can be good or bad.  I question faith, fear, love, trials.... You name it, I'll question it. I have been troubled by this behavior for sometime.

As I sat there thinking not being able to concentrate, one of my favorite songs came on the Starbucks speakers. "What Child is This?" Ok, mind you, it's May 20. Granted it feels like winter outside. A whopping 40 degrees and buckets of rain. I sat and listened closely to the peaceful, beautiful melody. I was waiting for the chords to change.  Again, it's May and I'm in Starbucks. I looked around the room waiting for the signs of someone else who must certainly be thinking... 'hey, this is weird! Christmas music in May?!" No one did. 

As the song progressed, I quickly found myself immersed in the song.  I started singing. In my head of course!  (I don't dare sing in front of anyone and believe me, you would thank me for it if you heard me.)
I love the words of this song. But for the first time outside of the christmas season, I actually listened to the words.  Really listened! 

Do you ever wonder if random things that happen during the day aren't random at all?  I think that song came on for me. Ok, ok, ok, silly but today I needed to hear those words. I needed to be filled the way I am during a season where everything is about Christ. I was meant to hear this, to listen to the simple words, to remember who my Savior is and how plain and simple his life started out and how triumphant it continues to be. I needed to find a greater sense of peace. He is always here. 
This song came on and was quickly overshadowed by everyday music. But I heard it. And I want to remember that moment and the gratitude that was and is in my heart. 

"What Child is this who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom Angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?

This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and Angels sing;
Haste, haste, to bring Him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Why lies He in such mean estate,
Where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christians, fear, for sinners here
The silent Word is pleading.

Nails, spear shall pierce Him through,
The cross be borne for me, for you.
Hail, hail the Word made flesh,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

So bring Him incense, gold and myrrh,
Come peasant, king to own Him;
The King of kings salvation brings,
Let loving hearts enthrone Him.

Raise, raise a song on high,
The virgin sings her lullaby.
Joy, joy for Christ is born,
The Babe, the Son of Mary"

Funny how our questions can be answered in such random beautiful ways. 

Emotions...

A lot has happeded in 2 weeks.  It has been a blur of mixed emotions.  I have had no computer and I haven't been able to blog, so I am writing the emotions that come to mind when I think of the events.  I will write future posts when I get my computer back.

My mom and dad came to visit from NY.- Wonderful.
My sister and bro in law moved to Louisiana.- I cried.
My computer broke down- Mad and totally out of the loop.- UGH!
Prince William and Kate Middleton got married!- Rejoice
I received a new calling at church.  2nd Counsler in the Primary- Shocking and scary
Mara has been off track for 3 weeks.  We have one more left. -Tired
I tried 3 new recipes. -All 3, Gross.
I had long talks with good friends. Love
Dexter the Dog got a haircut. - Finally
Easter- Thankful
Partly weeded the garden, but the weather got in the way.- Work
Finished The Book Theif- One of my all time favorites
Started a new medication for my skin. - Bloated and dizzy
Decided to go back to school.- Yikes!
Had to get a new Neuro Onocologist for Brandon- Worried and anxious
Spent a lot of time with my kids lately. Heavenly (well, most of the time :)), OK, ALWAYS.

One of these pics is not like the other...

 Anna looks possessed!

 Not really sure what's going on in this picture?!

CAN YOU TELL WE WERE BORED?!?!

Miss her terribly...

Yesterday I received a very unexpected and very wonderful phone call.  The call was from a dear friend.  One that moved awhile ago.  One that has been going through so much and one that I have neglected horribly! I'm fairly certain I have just been in denial that she is gone and that I why I have been a terrible friend.

BUT, Hearing from her made my day, maybe even my year!  When I hung up, I cried because I miss her.  I miss her sweet smile that always comes no matter her circumstance or lack of sleep.  I miss her talents.  When I am around her, I feel more talented, (even though I am not!)  I miss eating sushi with her and her cute husband.  I also miss her children, so much. They are beautiful inside and out. Her darling daughter "M" has a very special place in my heart.  When I am around her, I feel closer to God. 

But most of all, I miss the long talks about life, challenges, how to see the light through those challenges, about God and his tender mercies.  If anyone has experienced these things, she has.

I feel horrible that I have left her alone.  She is struggling and that breaks my heart.  I want her to know how much I value her friendship and all that she has done for me! Stuff that she doesn't know, but I hope she reads this and knows it's straight from my heart. 

She has made me strive to be a better person, a better mother, a better wife.

She has shown me how to love unconditionally.

She has shown me strength and courage that I didn't know any person could have. 

She finds happiness and goodness in anything and anyone.

Most of all, she has shown me how to be a true friend.  One that does not judge or harm.  One that accepts you for who you are and where you came from.

I love her.  I gave her mom a HUGE hug at today and I hope she knows what an amazing person she has raised.

LOVE YOU S! I hope that you know I am so sorry for not calling, emailing or FB'ing! I can't wait to see you soon!  I promise to make up for it!

I don't do socks...

I dread doing laundry. 

I'm not ashamed to admit that I go and buy socks or underwear when my kids run out.  Yep, instead of doing that laundry, I'll just buy more.  Yea I know... LAZY and CRAZY! 

BUT....Matching and folding socks is a complete waist of time in my book. 

So, we have a sock drawer. 

If your feet get cold, go match them yourselves!

LOVE, MOM!

You should try it...

I have a hard time sleeping lately.  We have a lot going on and I find myself over analyzing everything.  Have you ever noticed that your troubles seem worse at night when you are laying in bed?  Why is that?

So instead of tossing and turning, I get up and go for a drive. 

I used to do this, just to get out and think, but it has turned into more than just driving. 

I find myself almost giddy to wake up and go discover the beauty that I might encounter. I have discovered so much and everyday is completely different. But if you aren't paying attention to your surroundings, you may miss it. Every morning brings something new, BUT it only lasts a couple of minutes and then it's gone.  New colors, clouds, weather...  I become speechless at the beauty and peace that each day brings.

This past week, I took some pictures of one of my favorite places.  A place that is not only beautiful on the outside, but the inside as well.  The promises that the Temple can bring are amazing and undeniable. 

No wonder it looks so breathtaking. 

I only wish the pictures could show what I really saw.

Maybe you should all get up at 5am and go find something you'll never forget!  I PROMISE it will be worth the lack of sleep and maybe we can meet at Village Inn for breakfast?!?!! 

I have YET to be disappointed!