Plain and Simple...

I want more kids. I do. I won't lie.  We lost the twin to my little Anna, and found out later that it was not a good idea for me to have anymore kids.  My body is just not wired right to handle the pregnancy thing.  And besides, B took one for the team, hee hee.  I knew that decision was final, and I am alright with that. 

Plain and simple, B and I know for a fact that our family is not complete.  There is a void and we notice it on a daily basis.  My heart earns for completion.  This would be so much easier if I could just have another baby, but that is not the answer.  At least not for us. 

So, with a lot of prayers and talking to those who have either been adopted or have adopted, we have found our answer.  A couple of weeks ago, B and I met with a counsler from the Utah Foster Care Foundation.  Our first meeting went really well.  We spoke of so many things and answered so many questions.

•  Is our family ready for an additional family member?  Have we talked to our kids about this?
• Can we handle having a child in our house for a year or more and have them taken back to their family?  Could we handle the news of the abuse or neglect of this child? 
• Would we welcome them in our home with open arms, no matter their race, religion or health problems? 
• Are we willing to help them with patience, love and concern?
• What age group do we want?  There are negatives and positives to all of them, including babies.
• They most likely will have sleep problems, behavioral and emotional problems. 
• Most of the kids hord their food because they don't know when their next meal will come.

So many questions, all came with honest answers and some with real hesitation.  I would be lying if I told you that I walked away feeling amazing and excited.  Truth is I walked away feeling scared and questioning my ability to do a good job.  Who am I to do this?  Is this right for our family?  I am not a perfect mother and our family is full of chaos on it's own.  But I did walk away feeling stronger than I ever have about the decision that B and I have made.  I have no idea what to expect.  I have no idea what the future may bring, but I am hoping that this process will bring us closer to bringing a child into our home.  I am convinced someone out there needs us as much as we need them.  I want that child to come into our home knowing that they will be loved and safe.  That's really all I want.  To give a child a chance. 

 

I hope I can do this.  It's going to take time, patience and prayer.  This road is going to have it's up's and down's, probably more down's, but we are ready. I can't wait to get to the next step.  The month of March will be full of information and classes and getting our background check done.  There will be emotions that I am sure I have never experienced and won't know how to handle.  We will just be taking this one step at a time and I truly can't wait to see what happens. 

It's gone...

It's official!  The binky is GONE!  AND it was soooo easy!  She just gave it up one day.  Put it down and hasn't looked back.  I know I should be excited about this.  This binky has been a thorn in my side for 3 and 1/2 years in more ways than I want to describe.  

But now that it's gone, I have come to realize what that binky really meant.  To ME that is...

It means my baby is no longer my 'baby'.  No more cradling and comforting her with her favorite blanket and binky plugged into her mouth.  Giving that comfort that only binky and mommy can bring!

This may sound so silly, but my heart is sad. She is growing up before my eyes and the binky was the last 'baby' thing we (I) had.  I know I will get over it, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I haven't shed a few tears over that stupid, ugly binky.

Sibling sleepover...

On Friday I told my kids that they could have a 'sleepover' in Anna's room.  They were so excited!  Grabbed their sleeping bags, pillows, candy, popcorn, books, etc....

Will lasted all of about 10 minutes.  As you can tell on his face the girly surroundings didn't thrill him...

Anna was thrilled to have other people in her room, so didn't fall asleep until 11....

Dexter the Dog was happy to find all of the food they didn't eat...

Mara was fast asleep until Anna woke her up at 4am.  They proceeded to play games, giggle, read books, and eat until 830pm that next night!  Good sister bonding time, I guess, but rest assurred,

IT WILL BE A VERY LONG TIME before I do that again! I'm tired and today they are grumpy!

Because...

B wasn't home for Valentine's Day this year.  Darn business trip!  Who plans a meeting over Valentines in Chicago?!  I can imagine there were a lot of upset wives.  It must have been a man....

I miss him like crazy! More so than usual.  I can usually handle his travels, but my goodness... He gets home today and I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. I can hardly wait for him to walk in the door!   I am not really sure why, maybe because I didn't get to see him or kiss on the official day of LUV!  No matter.  I get to kiss him every other day, and not just on that day!  Waahoo for me!  I love this man! 

Because...

Being married to him means everything to me.

It means knowing I have his strength to lean on,

his honesty to trust in,

and his passion to share.

It means that good times will be sweeter and the tough times will get better,

all because we are in this together. We are one.

It means sharing our dreams and discovering how to make them come true.

It means spending all of our tomorrows more in love than ever. 

Watching our children grow and

being able to grow along with them.

All because, being married to you means so much more.

Happy Valentine's Day B, about 4 days too late, but who's counting....

AND THANKS FOR THE ROSES!!!!

Yes, He ATE it...

When I say my husband will eat ANYTHING... I mean it! (ok, he won't eat chocolate, I know huh?!)

YES! He ate the ENTIRE FISH!!! Even kissed it!

(Ok, so they deep fry the fish after you eat the meat, but STILL! He ate the head, eyes, brains and everything else!)

NO THANKS!

Better write it down...

My little William is always full of one liners and if I don't write them down, I will forget how much I love how his little mind works.

I told him to put his shoes on this morning and he told me that one of them wouldn't go on very well.  Knowing his recent addiction to Star Wars and wanting to become a Jedi, I said,

MOM: "Why don't you use your Jedi mind trick and make it go on your foot?" 

WILLIAM:  "Mom! I'm not a Jedi yet... just an appentis.(apprentice)." 

MOM: Oh sorry!

His friend Zekie was at our house this afternoon playing with Will.  As they were watching a movie, he looks over at Zekie and says,

WILLIAM: "Hey Zeke, did you know that when Jesus comes down again all of the sharks will be nice?  Won't that be AWESOME?!  I can't wait!" 

Zeke just looked at him and casually shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ya, I know!"

E.P.'s gift to me...

I am not a big birthday person. Well, that's not true. I am a birthday person if it's someone else's birthday. But not mine. Yesterday was my 34th brithday. I used to think 34 was old. And if you were to ask my kids, they think that is so old, I should be dead sooner rather than later. I finally feel like I am just getting around the figuring things or my life out.

So far, I like my 30's. I feel good, other than a broken foot and not being able to walk right. I am healthy and happy and have an adoring husband and my kiddos that I love so much I could scream!

I also have the absolute BEST friends in the entire world! You know, the kind that accept me for who I am and all of my imperfections. Ones who will put up with my crazy need to throw a party at the last second, run to the DI or just let me take their kids or they take mine from time to time. You know who you all are, and if you don't, I will try to work harder to let you know, or maybe I'll text ya!

ANYWAY, yesterday I received one of the best gifts I have ever received from a friend.  This friend who will be known as E.P., gave me something so beautiful that touched my heart so deeply, I don't think she'll ever know what it really meant to me.

She gave me this.

 A box that is first off, SO ME! Within the box was this...

On different colored paper strips were "34 reasons why you (me) are simply spectacular!"

Now, I won't go into what the papers said, but I will say this....

E.P., I belive you know me better than I think I know myself. You listen, talk, cry, laugh with me and feel my pain and my happiness. You came into my life at a time when I know I needed you the most. I am far from being spectacular, but you are and I believe our friendship is! So, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a beautiful, heart felt gift.  It means the world to me and so do you.  Thank you for everything!

We did...

This weekend was a little bit of crazy and a little bit of just laying around.  It was nice. Those are the best kind of weekends in my opinion.  I don't want to be told where to go, what to do and when to be somewhere.  We just did our thing.  This past week brought some new questions to our life and hopefully those questions will be answered this week.

So, this is what we did...

-Mara and I went to the Lady Utes Gymnastics meet with Vicki, Ava and Megan. We had a blast! One of the former gymnasts was diagnosed with breast cancer, so we all got pink UofU shirts and pink gloves in honor of her.  Thankfully she is cancer free.

 -William is majorly into Star Wars right now. So much so that I think Spiderman has been replaced by a Jedi. WOO HOO!!!  However, Anna was playinng Princess Leia and now the black eye thanks to that Jedi! oops!

-I painted my family room for the 5th and FINAL time! I finally LOVE it!  Which is good because that room is a BEAST to tape. So now we are  'Exploring Khaki' in there.  Good name, I guess.  Thanks Pottery Barn!  Now onto the next project!

-The kids have a new goal for their money.  Save it for a trip to Disneyland.  So, they are now earning money by doing chores and helping out around the house when they aren't asked too.  They are super excited and I love that I found a Mickey and Minnie  Mouse jar at the DI to save it all in.  Seems rather appropriate don't ya think?

-Anna was a major grump this weekend and today I found out why.. double ear infection. I can't blame her. I'd be a grump too!

 -  William and Dad went to the U of U Basketball game for a little daddy/ William time,  while I watched Inception with the Alders.  Ummm... still trying to decide what I thought of that movie.  Was it a dream? Was it not?  Don't leave me hanging like that!

-Ok ok ok...I'll admit, we played hookie from church.  First time in 3 years!  And although it was nice not to have anywhere go or get anyone ready or wake up at the crack of dawn, I missed it terribly. I missed the renewal and spirit that it brings.  I missed the comfort of the words and the taking of the sacrament.  I missed seeing everyone who is also there to worship and gain the same inspiration. I won't be doing that again.

- We had our dear friends over to watch the big game Steelers vs. Packers.  I didn't really care who won, I just enjoyed the good company and good food that seemed to put all of us in a food coma.  Thanks Fronces!

Well, that's about all we did.

 This upcoming week is going to be crazy! So, I'm gearing up by taking a nap!

Oh ya and,

How do you mess up the national anthem?

Just asking.

Ugly faces...

I got an early bday present from B, (an iphone 4!)  and boy oh boy have we had fun!  These pictures are from the ugly face app.  It has provided HOURS of fun and some pretty major laughs!

 This one scares me!! My kids say I look like a "who from whoville!"

 Alien baby!

I think Mara looks like the princess from Tale of Desperaux!  Too funny!