What just happened????????

It started off being a pretty easy going day. I watched my friends girls while she ran to a meeting,

did my laundry,

vaccumed,

made the beds,

cleaned one of the bathrooms,

decorated a little for fall,

and I had EVERY intention of cleaning my entire house,

and making some banana bread....

UNTIL.....

this little guy arrived on my doorstep.....

(Don't mind the dirty dishes in my sink. I had more important things to think about now!) SO,

very LOOONNNGGG and a little unbelieveable in the literal sense, story short,

I was standing on my porch with my dear friend Emily and our kids, when this very distraut woman came to the door with a puppy. She fed us a long and very sad story as to why she couldn't keep him and grabbed his food, put him down in front of my puppy loving kids and LEFT!

SHE LEFT!!!! WHAT THE %$#*!!!!

So, I was now stuck with an 8 week old Daschund puppy named Cooper. What was I to do?! I looked at my friend and I at her and I said, (well I don't know if I said it or I thought it), BUT we did it nontheless! We sold him on ksl.com for $200!!!!

LUCKY US!!!

Anyone else want to give us a puppy?! We will gladly take him! hee hee

AND, NO, my house didn't get cleaned and I didn't shower that day, but oh well, I am a hundred dollars richer!

Well, now I'm going shopping.............

SURPRISE!!! GOT YA!!

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?! Well if I haven't, guess what?! I DO!! He means the world me. He is my protector, best friend, confidant, lover and just the person that I love to spend every waking moment with and get into trouble with.

SOOooo........

For his 37th birthday this year, I decided to throw him a SURPRISE birthday party at our favorite sushi restaurant... Tsunami. He has had a tough year and what better way to show someone that he is loved than surrounding him by his BEST FRIENDS!

(HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO CAME! WE LOVE YOU ALL!)AND, oh MAN was he SURPRISED!! With a little help from a bunch of friends, Vicki and Paul and my sister, Lauren (who took the pics... thanks La!), we pulled it off! He had NO clue!
B and Me!

I asked him if we all surprised him and this is the answer that I got.... I don't know if he was trying to strangle me or give me a BIG WET FISH kiss (seems appropriate since we were eating sushi.... yuck!) LOVE YA B! Happy Birthday!

Has this ever happened to you?

It's no secret that the last couple of months have been extremely hard on our family. Well, probably more than any of you actually realize. I can keep secrets and it's a LONG story! :)

After Brandon's last seizure (December 2009), our little world went spinning down, down, down! I felt a lot like Alice in Wonderland, but I was not in Wonderland. I was in a horrible deep awful place. A place even your nightmares can't take you, because unlike dreams or nightmares, this place is REAL. A place without sunshine, joy, or beauty. My head, heart and spirit kept telling me I had been abandoned from anything that would give me hope or happiness. In my head, I was a horrible person, mother, wife and friend. I belonged here, or so I thought.

I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and for a brief moment was frightened. I had no idea who I was starring at. Who was this person looking back at me? She looked somewhat familiar, but barely resembled what I had expected to see. From that morning on, I did not want to see that person again. Scared and terrified, I immediately went into hiding. If I didn't look for this person, she wouldn't find me? Right?! No, this awful person has many faces and I was soon visited by the horrible faces of anxiety and depression. I don't like them. Not at all.

Days and weeks went on and I carried on thinking that I was hiding really well. I put on a pretty good show, at least I thought. I'm pretty sure I won't win an Oscar. (Denial is a safe place to be, but unfortunately, misery comes side by side denial. ) As each summer day went on, I realized that my hiding place had also taken me away from feeling the sun, light, color. I couldn't see! I was in a fog (which ironically, I LOVE fog) that I couldn't get out of. It was real. Oh so real. I would put my glasses on and I STILL couldn't see one step in front of me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't even do that. I was overcome by numbness. Everything numb. It was as if someone had reached up and turned off my switch. Just like that, darkness!

Well, (long story, that I may get the guts up to tell someday) it once again took my beautiful little angels that were sent to me from my Heavenly Father to find me. They opened the window so I could once again feel the breeze and smell the zest in life and LOVE, CRY, LAUGH and count my blessings. I wasn't alone. I never was and NEVER will be. My Father in Heaven has paved a way for me to always have Him and my family and that is all that matters.

I know this all sounds so silly and really one day when I am ready, I will tell the ENTIRE story. I am blessed and I know this. Oh, how I know this. I have in my grasp all that is needed to escape that horrible awful place. I never want to be there again.

If you can answer yes, to the question "Has this ever happened to you?I want you to know that you really are not alone. Find the window, find your love and find God. He is there and with all of these tools, you will always see light, color and feel joy. Except on an occasional rainy or snowy day. BUT, I'll take THAT darkness ANYTIME!

Now, I LOVE it here....

This past weekend, we went up to our family cabin. Oh how I love being surrounded by all that I love. My family, amazing friends, beautiful scenery, etc. I had an amazing time. I always do when I am there. I am removed from real life. All that is there is what you make of it. No phones, email, FB... nothing, well, except a 60 in. TV with every channel you can imagine. I guess that's necessary. I actually did not want to leave, but reality called and we had to head home. HOME. Yes, this time I wanted to come home.

WELL, before I go any further, let's go back 5 1/2 years.

Brandon and I were living at his parents home in 2004. We had sold our house in Sandy in 3 days. I will be honest when I say, I had no idea what we were going to do. Move to St. George, Sugarhouse, Murray, a different state altogether.... Who knew. We sure didn't. I was at work one day when I received a phone call from a lady who wanted to book a former N'sync singer (Lance Bass for all that care.) into the hotel. It was not concert season, so I asked her why he was coming. She told me that he was an honorary guest for a new community that was opening up in South Jordan. I thought it was odd that a housing community was going to have him come and sing. What kind of place was this?!

SO, curiousity got the best of me and I went out one day on my lunch hour to see what was going on. Well, guess what?! I fell in love. LOVE at FIRST SIGHT! And you can say when I get an idea in my head, there is really no stopping me.

But, the funny thing was, there was really nothing there to fall in love with. There were 20 or so model homes situated upon a hill out in the middle of NO WHERE!!! I'm talking miles of dirt fields filled with wandering cows and random homes that were all placed oddly on their lots. Where was I?! I had NEVER driven this far west in my life!

But, I LOVED the homes and the sales person sold me on a "Leave it to Beaver"concept. What does that mean you ask? I don't know,but he sold me. Hook, line and sink! Big front porches with swings, old fashion or should I say vintage looking houses. You were supposed to become best friends with your neighbors and kids were going to be out playing instead of playing video games and such. Back to what the american dream was... ahhhh... how refreshing. Does the american dream still exist?!

Well, I hoped so. So, we bought that dream the 2nd day the place was open. We picked a home off of a sheet of paper and stood on a dirt hill and we were shown where our future home was going to be. And believe me when I say it wasn't pretty.

I tell you this story, because I have to be honest and up front about how I really felt. When we moved in 5 1/2 years ago, it was thrilling! New home, new community, new EVERYTHING. Well, as time went by, I started to hate my home. Yes, hate. The miles of dirt and the constant wind was raking on my ever last nerve. I felt like I lived at the end of the earth. It was ugly and a constant construction zone. I knew nobody and we really only had 5 or 6 neighbors at the time anyway. Well, time can change things. I used to dread coming home.

Going to the cabin was my escape from my house. I NEVER wanted to be home. Because it didn't feel like home. It felt like a very rushed decision that was not thought out and maybe it was.

But things happen for a reason. I know I have to be here. (We have had our house on the market 3 times! YES 3 times and it never sold.) Time and very crazy circumstances have changed my perspective on what makes a house a home. I love this home. I love where I live. I love my neighbors and my big porch and "hollywood driveway" whatever that means! I LOVE it! After 5 1/2 years of trials, opportunities, flooding, broken pipes, 2 more children, love, laughter and just plain life, I can finally call my house a home. We have memories here that I will never forget. And, it is quite possible that I never want to move. Well, never say never...