How great is 8...

My little man is 8.  I don't even know where to start when I think of my little William.  He is my guardian angel. 

 

When I found out that I was pregnant with a boy, I was scared to death.  I only knew girls.  I didn't know how to raise a boy!  My entire pregnancy, I worried if I could be a good mom to him.  The night he came into this world, everything changed... In more ways that one.  He was born on December 22, 2005, 4 weeks early.  3 days before Christmas and when you are in the hospital over Christmas time, it seems like no one is there.  I was literally one of the only patients in the maternity ward.  Despite being 4 weeks early, William was making huge accomplishments.  They sent us home on Christmas Eve.  He was wrapped in a stocking.  We brought him home and I adored him.  The doctors told me to be very careful that holiday season.  The flu was bad and his lungs were not fully developed. So, B and I told everyone that they had to stay away until William was a little older.  Well, long story short, B and I and Mara came down with the flu.  We were all sooooo sick.  My mother in law came and took William to her house to get him away from the illness that lingered in our home.  I was distraught!  My new baby seemed so far away from me and I was so sick, I couldn't lift my head.  I laid there crying, wishing that I could hold my newborn boy that I felt I was disconnecting with.  That night we received a phone call from my FIL.  William was not doing well.  He was struggling to breath and had not eaten all day.  His lips were blue.  They were in the process of rushing him to the ER.  We jumped into our car and met them up there, just in time for them to tell us to rush him to Primary Children's hospital.  Still to this day, I am angry that they didn't put us in an ambulance.  We made it to Primary in record time.  The ER had alerted to them that we were on our way, so we had 2 nurses waiting for our arrival.  By that time, William was not breathing and his face and lips were bluish purple. Long story short, my little William barely made it through the next couple of nights.  Then came the dreaded Dr. visit in our hospital room.  William had RSV.  His lungs were not strong enough to fight with virus and his lungs were 85% packed with mucus.  He may not make it through the night.   They sent us doctor after doctor and then social workers telling us how to cope with the loss of a baby.  B and I were not active in our church at the time, but we both knew that we had to rely on a power that was stronger than any medical care he could receive.  We called my dad and B's dad and asked for a blessing on our little boy.  By this time, I had not held my baby in over 4 days.  If he moved, the mucus could shift and cause problems.  I so desperately wanted to hold my tiny baby.  Our dads finished the blessing and then it turned to a waiting game.  Again, long story short... William not only made it through the night, but his lungs cleared up almost 55%!  Something that does not happen.  This little boy of mine, was getting better!  That morning they FINALLY let me hold him.  It was almost as if I had never held him.  I don't think I put him down for weeks.

 

To this day, he still has breathing problems from the RSV but he is here and I know that he was meant to be here.  So much happiness has come from his spirit of adventure and sense of logic.  He makes my heart melt and he will randomly tell me he loves me and thinks that I am the most beautiful thing on earth.  I love his early morning snuggles and his sensitivity.  He is my little man and I know life wouldn't be the same without him! 

 

This week, William not only turned 8, but he got baptized as well.  I am so proud of him and thankful for the family and friends that joined us to watch him receive the Holy Ghost in his life.

LOVE YOU WILLIAM!!!  Happy 8 my love!

Last night...

Hopefully I will successfully capture the emotions of our night last night.

 

Last night was amazing in several ways. We got invited to attend The Christmas Carol at Hale Center theater with a bunch of friends very last minute.  I have soooooo much to do, but I have been dying for an opportunity that would bring the Christmas spirit into my heart this holiday season.  I feel like time is flying by too quickly.  I called B and told him of this opportunity. His mind was thinking the same thing mine was.... we have soooooo much to do. But he could tell, that I wanted and needed this time with our family.

 

 

So, we took our friend up on this unique opportunity and when I say unique, I almost mean life changing for our little family.

 

When we arrived at the play, our husbands were asked to help assist with security for a very "special guest".  Not knowing who it was, I found out that B would not be sitting by us the entire play.  I have to be honest, at first I was a little bugged.  I never see my husband and this was family time!  But then I someone whispered in my ear who B would be helping.  President Thomas S. Monson!  What???!!!  The Prophet of our church!  Emotions flooded me like I have never experienced before.  I was so excited.  B came out of the back before the play and said that he had goose bumps and could barely breathe.  He got to shake the hand of our prophet.  An experience that is not given to very many in a lifetime.  B sat directly above Pres. Monson throughout the play, along with some other wonderful men in our ward.

 

Our seats were just to the left of him and I found myself staring at him while I enjoyed the amazing play.  I was not only in the same room as President Monson, but if I wanted too, I could reach out and touch him.  (Ok, that wouldn't have happened, but I could have!)

 

The experience for me was one that I had not expected.  I received a flood of emotion, so much so, that I had to keep telling myself to pull it together.  I was sitting there in my moment and then casually glanced at my little Mara.  Tears in her eyes, she too was staring at the prophet.  At intermission, she walked directly up to the real body guards and said, "Can I just wave to him?"  They replied that she could, but to her dismay he never did look her way.  She earned to be next to him.  I told her to wait until after the play, and maybe, just maybe we can catch his glance.  The play ended and the theater went dark.  No sooner did the lights come on and he was gone.  It all happened so fast. B was gone as well.  She gasped and very loud , "NO!" at the sight of his empty chair.  She cried the whole way home.  Her words to me were, "Mom, all I wanted to do was hug him.  His spirit made me so happy, I wanted to fall to my knees and cry in happiness.  I know he is of God."

 

This experience has left me once again speechless at the love that our Heavenly Father has for each of us.  I know without a doubt that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God.  I could see, hear and most of all feel it.  I have a new outlook on Christmas this year and for that I am truly grateful. 
Merry Christmas to everyone!

Below are some pictures from our night at the conference center for the First Presidency Christmas Devotional.

She did it!

Mara will be starting her second season of gymnastic competition in a couple of weeks.  She amazes me everyday with her dedication, strength and technique.  This past summer her class had been working on getting their back handsprings. This was a very big deal for Mara. For whatever reason, she was convinced she couldn't do it.  I don't know why??? Flipping backwards not seeing your hands isn't that bad.... right??  :) She would come home crying from gym telling me that everyone else could do, why could she??  So, after talking with her coach and many others who had the same problem, we decided to have a private lesson with her coach on just this!  Well, 5 minutes into the lesson and a lot of support, she nailed it!  WAY TO GO, MARA!!!!!  You are amazing and I can't wait to watch this years competitions!  LOVE YOU BABYDOLL!

 I love her face when she accomplishes something hard!  Its the BEST feeling in the world to see you child succeed.

Age...

I am 36 years old and for the first time the other day, I felt old. I was on my daughters field trip surrounded by all these other moms. They were all sweet and beautiful and I felt like I fit in. Until they started talking about their ages.  24, 26, 23 and 27.  The 27 year old had 6 kids! WHAT?  They were all at least 10 years younger than me! 10! Only the 27 year old had kids older than 6. (When did she start having babies??) I spent the remainder of the field trip walking around feeling old.  I think I was even walking old.  Even my reflection was screaming "yep, you're old"!  My dear children refer to my childhood as the 'olden days."  In response, I always say, "Yes, the 80's was FORRRRREEEEEVER AGO!  Can you believe I am still alive????"

UGH!  Whatever the reason, the number 10 killed me that day! I have always been like 3 or 5 years at the most older than some, but 10? I still feel like the same old me. I think the same, act the same, and really am just Me.  Age has never bothered me.  I still shop in the juniors section.  No, I don't want to be that frumpy lady. I still LOVE boy bands, Disney movies, and secretly wish that I could dress up like a princess and go to the store without being thought of as insane. Thank heaven for Halloween, so I can do just that! One direction is my favorite! If you see me driving down the street singing my head off its because I love them and secretly wish I was young enough to show it. I still think that the 1990's were 10 years ago and that I graduated high school 8 or so years ago. um, try 18 years ago!

My sweet husband turned 40 this year and he doesn't act any differently.  He has a few, ok a LOT of grey hair, but I think it's sexy.  Most of my close friends are over 40 and they look young to me.  I told this situation above to my husband and he looked at me and said, "How old would you be if your mind/ body didn't tell you how old you actually are?"  Hmmm... profound.  Right now I feel about 16 because I still get butterflies before I go out on dates with B, just like when I was 16. I went to lunch with 2 of my favorite ladies and I felt like a mom, whatever age that is. 30 something maybe?  Early 30's because that's when I felt like I knew everything. :)  I am sure tonight when it's time for bed, I may feel more like 74.  The more I think about age, the more I get depressed, so I will focus on living and making myself happy for the moment.  As long as I act my age, right?  Well, of course when no one is looking...

My little angel...

 This little angel of mine just turned 6.  While I am trying really hard to contemplate on how this happened, I am so very grateful for the journey she has taken me down.  From this little girl I have learned many things.  The most important is how to love unconditionally and how to have faith in every foot step.  This kid is wise beyond her years and I know she was sent to us for a very large purpose.  She can walk into any room and light it up with her small voice, her loud laughter and the very quirky things that she says.  I never know what is coming out of your mouth next.  She has a knowledge of her savior, Jesus Christ that is in her heart and that has been there since she was born. She talks of Him like he is her best friend and constant companion.  She speaks of Him as a brother and protector and she genuinely believes this.  She has an eternal perspective on life and she knows that all will be ok, NO MATTER WHAT. 

 

You don't care about material things, which makes it hard to buy you presents, but then again, not really because you love whatever is given to you.  You have the ability to make others around you feel special and loved, including those who you meet for the first time.  Your spirit is infectious and can bring a smile to anyone's face.  You have an odd ability to randomly move your eyes in different directions and you take pride in this.  You are silly, loving, accepting and pure.  Please don't lose sight of who you are!  I know you won't because pressures around you don't knock you down.  Instead you walk away feeling even better about yourself!  I wish I had this talent.  You remind me everyday that I am loved and you accept me for who I am completely.  You speak of your twin that was lost early in my pregnancy, like you have an incredible relationship with her and know everything about her...  I know that you do.  Thank you, Anna!  My little living angel.

Anna, you have brought light into our world and we are forever lucky to call you ours! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA BANANA!!!

Oh, and PLEASE stop growing!  I know you won't, but I had to ask.

Blogger friends, come back!

Ok, so where is everyone??? All you amazing people that USED to blog, but don't anymore!  I miss you!  You inspire me, keep me going, make me laugh, make me cry, piss me off and much more!  I NEED back!  I have searched for others and let's face it.... I can't find anyone that measures up!  Do you know of some amazing blogs I need to follow???  If so, please share.

 

I know I have not been the best at blogging either!  Between gymnastics, soccer, summer, and everything else, I feel like my blog has moved to my Instagram page.  Cuz, let's face it... it's faster, easier and I can do it while I am shopping, sitting, waiting, having a special moment, you name it, I can do it!  BUT, I LOVE blogs!  So, this is my promise to myself that I will keep this blog up!  The main reason I did it was for journaling purposes for my kids.  But let's face it. This is where I come to see all of you, vent, boast and let go!  So, PLEASE all of my favorite people, you know who you are, PLEASE starting blogging again!  If any other reason, do it for ME!

Thank you!

Otherwise, do what I do..... Instagram and I will follow you there!

 

 

Yell no more...

Forgive me if this post seems all over the place.... There is a ton on my mind! :)

Mara went to bed mad at me last night.  Right after dinner she and Anna were making fun of William's stinky feet.  Ok, so his feet DID stink.  Yours would too if you had just played soccer for 3 hours!  Well, the taunting and making him feel bad just kept going.... for 20+ minutes.  Each time, I would tell the girls to stop, but they were in a goofy mood and just kept going.  To the point where Anna got up from the table and said, "I can't take it anymore! I can't' sit by you!"  Well as you can imagine, it put William over the edge.  Broke his heart and he ran from the dinner table and hid under a blanket.

Now I know that this is a normal sibling issue, but I lost it and got mad at both of the girls.  They just wouldn't stop.  Then Mara starting yelling, I started yelling, Anna started yelling and William was still hiding under his blanket of protection crying.  After yelling back and forth, Mara stormed off.  I told her goodnight and to go to her room and go to bed.  It was 7:30PM.  Well, after about 20 minutes, I went to check on her to make sure that she had cooled down so we could talk and she was sound asleep, lights off and tucked in.  She had fallen asleep before I could talk to her and give her a hug.  It darn near ripped my heart out.  She fell asleep and the last thing I did was yell at her.  I broke one of our family rules! You don't go to bed angry.  Nothing good can come from it.  Well, just like usual, sleep cured the angry heart.  We talked it out and hugged this morning.  It felt better.  Well, kind of.

As a  mom, I HATE playing the bad guy and I feel like I have had to do that a lot lately.  My kids have been at each others throats and I find myself lost in the middle trying really hard not to take sides, lose my cool and just meltdown.  I have noticed that I yell a lot!  I mean, A LOT! I hesitate even admitting this, but it's true.  I wouldn't want to be around me...  who would?

My mind starting playing games with me as I laid awake in bed last night thinking of the evening.  One of the biggest things that I thought of was the influence that my children have once they step outside of our home.  Of course there is good.  But our children are growing up fast and everything around them is moving faster.  They are part of the information era.  Anything is available at the touch of a button.  Most of which is negative.  The last thing that my kids need is more negativity.  Our home should be a protection and safe haven from negative experiences.  I have been trying so hard to make sure that everything is perfect.  Perfect kids who speak perfectly to one another.  Perfect dinners, perfect home, perfect scripture study, perfect experiences for everyone, perfect clothes perfect paint on the walls.... you get the idea.  I have been trying so hard to make sure that everything is perfect that I lost sight of what I already is that way.  Perfectly wonderful kids who are perfect to me.  A wonderfully perfect husband who is there for me no matter what.  I perfect mess inside my non perfect home. A perfect gospel to raise my children with. Perfect knowledge of my Savior, who was perfect.  So perfect, that he knew I would not be... 

 

We have some new rules in our home, effective immediately. 

1.No yelling

2. Remember to breathe

3. Be yourself

4. Emotions are wonderful and should be expressed, but not in the form of yelling or hurting others. 

5. Love deeply

6.  Laugh a lot!

I am done with negativity and trying so hard to be what I am not.  I want my kids to know that I love them more that they can imagine and although our life is not perfect, our family is perfect and that to me is pure perfection.