If you just believe...

Mara has been taking piano now for a year.  She LOVES her teacher so much, that she calls her Grandma.  This name is extremely appropriate for this amazing woman who has not only been a mother to me, BUT a grandmother to my children.  I LOVE her and I am so glad she is in my life. 

(Shar and Mara after the recital.)

Mara had her 1st piano recital 3 days ago.  She did FANTASTIC!  She struggled the weeks leading upto the program.  She told me over and over that she couldn't do it.  "I just can't do it!"

"It's too hard."  "I don't know how."  These were phrases that I heard over and over again,

until....

We randomly stopped by Shar's house one day. Mara had been practiving her part, but had absolutely NO confidence that she could play it.  Shar asked if she could hear what she had been practicing.  Mara was a little hesitant to play, but she sat down at the piano and proceeded to play the ENTIRE song, memorized without ONE mistatke.  I sat there amazed.  I think it shocked Mara too.  Not because she did it, but because we had NO idea she had it memorized, let alone could play it so well.  Shar and I were in shock.  Just a week earlier, we both were concerned that it wasn't going to happen. She was digressing.

Well, I pleased to say that not only did Mara do her first piano recital, but she did it with confidence.  At one point before she went on stage, B looked at her and said, "Are you ok?!  I'm nervous for you!"  She confidentatly looked at her Dad and said, "Dad, it's ok, I got this!  I can do it!"  And she did just that. 

I am so proud of her.  She came home that night so happy with herself! As I tucked her into bed, she looked up at me and said, "Mom, I think I can do anything if I just belive."  I think she was still smiling in her sleep that night. 
WE LOVE YOU MARA!

This is how I feel right at this moment...

I feel uplifted, yet vulnerable. 
I want to crawl out of my skin because it always hurts and I don't know why.
I HATE my oily skin and cannot find a product to help it.
I need a weave, but my poor hairstylist is out for 6 months or so because of a horrible car accident.  Bless her heart!
Every time I take in a deep breath, my back pops.  Do you think I need to go to the Chiropractor?!
I DON'T want to cook dinner tonight, so I won't. Sorry B.
I'm so excited for Mara's piano recital tonight!  GO MARA!  AND GO SHAR!
I wish I could drop into the splits and do cartwheels anytime I wanted too, just like Mara.
I missed my sis in law's birthday, so I feel like a total loser.
I really really really need it to snow.  It's good for my soul.  The sun has a tendency to depress me.
I LOVE my primary kids.  They make me want to cry for joy when I see them!
I wish I had a magic wand or a genie with a lamp, because all I would wish for is to have a healthy husband for his sake more than mine.
I want to give my friend a HUGE hug and tell her I would LOVE to be a mom just like her and have my kids be just like her kids... but NOT in a single white female sort of way... :)
I have to play Mary in a Christmas program tomorrow night and I haven't even seen the stage, but I'm told it will be spiritual.... we'll see.
I keep baking everything I see on pinterest!  People, STOP BEING SO CREATIVE it's making me FAT!
I am holding my family a little tighter and a lot longer this holiday season.  Taking in EVERY moment!
I made the yummiest cake again last night...
I would love to go back to bed, but I can't... sigh
And, right now I feel like I have to say sorry to whoever is reading this... It's all over the place and not so uplifting.  That's just another thing I need work on!
Enjoy your day.

Because I don't want to forget...

My kids have been saying a lot of funny stuff over the last week and I know that if I don't write it down, I will forget what they said, so here go's!

William-

 (After throwing a baby shower for a friend), Willliam came upstaris after everyone left and said, "But Mom, I thought you were going to give a baby bath, but I didn't see any water!"

OR, after church the other day, he came home singing "scripture power keeps me safe from sin... Mom, who is sin?!"

AND, I love the way he says "goose what mom?!" Instead of guess what?

Anna-

She woke up the other day to no snow and said, "Really sun again?!  Excuse me sun, can you please go away so it can snow?!"  (Yep, she's mine!)

AND, the BEST, She woke up one morning and came straight up to me and said, "Mom, when I get older, I am going to marry Jack Black, he knows how to do eveything.  Is that ok with you?!"  ummmmm..... I still don't know what to say to this one!

Leave it alone...

Last week was hard for a lot of different reasons. 

I won't go into a ton of detail. It's not necessary. I do however, need to write or I will go insane!

B had his annual Neurological appointment.  They did an MRI.  It is the first one in 2 1/2 years.  We were hopeful that either nothing had changed from the last one OR maybe by some divine intervention, things with his head had actually gotten better.  We wanted good news.  Well, we got neither.  Something HAD changed.  There is a new growth by the spot that we were already watching. It looks identical.  It's tricky this time though.  We have the option to biopsy it, BUT that could be very dangerous. OR, we could just leave it alone and hope that it's nothing since they don't know what it is in the first place.

Leave it alone.  hmmm... I hate these words.  More than you know.  'Alone' is how I have felt throughout this whole adventure with B's illnesses.  'Leave' is another word I am not proud to say that I have used on occasion in the last 5 years.  Obviously, I have not gone anywhere, it's not an option, not at all.  Sometimes I do feel totally alone. Scared and wandering aimlessly in the dark. I  know I shouldn't.  I have wonderful friends who have been there for me always.  I have the most incredible husband too.  This is all happening to him and yet, he is having to take care of me.  Ironic really when I am the healthy one.  Yet, I wander.  In search for answers and waiting for the next thing to happen.  Waiting for the bad.  It consumes me sometimes so I look for a distraction. Painting seems to be my favorite distraction now a day's!  Just take a look at my house.  You'll see.

I will say there is a part of me that has hope.  And it's a BIG part.  A part of me that is hanging on to faith like it's my final life line.  I have faith that what we are going through will one day make us better.  Maybe because we will get through this and be able to help others, or maybe there is some really big lesson that we need to learn and this is the only way it can happen.  Whatever the reason,  I want my husband and my kids to know that I/WE are not ALONE in this or anything that we may have to endure.  The scriptures say 'endure' not glide or idle by, but endure to the end and you will be saved.  So I endure with faith, sometimes

perhaps letting those 2 ugly words take over for awhile, but it will just make me stronger.  My family stronger. 

I also want my kids to know that I am so head over heels, completely infatuated and totally in love with their daddy.  He is my everything.  He is the strongest person I have ever met.  Both physically and spiritually.

He is funny and the nicest man to all.  Even at his angriest, he is still completely nice.  Which sometimes bugs me, but that's the pessimist in me talking.  He is loyal and hard working.  He would rather die than to let his family go without anything that they want let alone need.  So, thank you B.  I'm so sorry that we have to go through this, but it will be ok, WE will be ok and I can't wait to see what our future may bring.  I LOVE YOU!

Also, everyone should watch this video for some spiritural strength.  I love it!

Many faces of Anna...

I Love this kid...  Just looking at her face makes me happy.

She is always just plain happy about life.

A Piano for free...

2 years ago, almost to the day I was in search for a piano.  I was looking everywhere.  On ebay, ksl.com, want ads, you name it!  I didn't have a ton of money to purchase one with, so I knew I wasn't going to get the best piano ever or an easy task.  I am quite certain that B thought I was nuts.  Let's just say, I needed a piano for under $300.  Ya I know, impossible.  I answered every ad and the piano's that I was finding were either gone in a flash because of their price, or too run down and in need of major repairs.  I kept looking.. for about 3 months. 

And then, one night at around 12AM, I was laying in bed and could not sleep.  I grabbed my phone and looked on ksl again and there it was.  An ad.  No picture. Just a sign that said, "Free Piano".  Ya right!  Anything that is free is too good to be true, right?!  I couldn't sleep that night! I HAD to try for that piano and I wanted to know if this ad was legit, but I couldn't call at 1 in the morning!  So, I waited until 7AM and called.  An older woman answered the phone.  I told her that I was interested in free piano.  I asked her what was wrong with it and why it was free.  She preceeded to tell me that she was 89 years old.  She hadn't played the piano in almost 20 years and this piano was just sitting, musicless in her home.  Her only desire was to have the piano go to a good home where it would be able to fill the home with music.  I told her that I had 3 kids and my desire was for them to play the piano.  This would be the perfect piano for them to learn on.  She then said, "Oh good!  This makes me happy. This is the piano that all of my children learned to play on.  Merry Christmas and please take care of it." 

After 2 years of having that piano, I can now say that it fills my home with music.  Thanks to the most amazing and patient piano teacher ever, Mara's music fills my home and heart with joy!  I have always wanted to play, but now I can see my kids play and I can't tell you what that means to me. AND, I can't believe that there are still people in this world today that will give such a wonderful gift to those they do not know.  I am thankful for that woman and her free piano.  I only wish I remembered her name. 

So, Thank you Shar for teaching Mara!

And, thank you to the woman for giving such a wonderful gift.

Saved 10%...

So here it is! Our christmas card... and the ONLY reason I have it on here is so I can save 10% on my next order on shutterfly! HEE HEE

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