Lesson learned, I hope...

See this small and insignificant toy?

This is the first and hopefully last thing that William stole.

He took it from my sister in laws house and about 2 hours after we left her house, he showed it to me.

Knowing his recent obsession with Star Wars, I knew he had been wanting this Anakin Lego, BUT we didn't have it yet.

Thus, the conversation went like this...

Will: "Mom! Look at what dad bought me!"

Me: (Knowing it was not his...) " Wow! That looks special. When did he buy it for you?"

Will: "Today!"

Me: " Hmmmm... Are you sure, William? Daddy has been at work since 6 o'clock this morning.

Will: " He came home and left really fast."

LONG story short and a lot of tears later...

I caught him not only lying, but stealing too.

So, we called Aunt Whitney and drove back to her house where William had to apologize and give it back.

He later told me he was really sorry.  It just looked like so much fun.

It was really hard on him, but hopefully, lesson is learned.

Hug O War...

Drama has been overflowing here at the Elggren home! All I hear is arguing, screaming, hitting and fighting and then 2 minutes later are all playing happily. At least for the moment.

 ENOUGH of the crazies!

Because theres's been more tugging instead of hugging, we had a HUG O' WAR for FHE.

Just do what it says and serve strawberry flavored rice krispie treats and there will be Hugs and Smiles everywhere! 

Thanks Shel Silverstein!

I'll admit it... Will you?

Yep that's right!  I watch the Bachelor!  Have from season 1. And guess what?!

I LOVE every dramatic dirty little minute of it!

 Pathetic I know, BUT I know I'm not alone!

Admit it! 

You watch it or something close too it. Yes, I know you do and it would be good for you to admit it!  I mean who doesn't want to escape their own life and jump straight into someone else's problems for a little while.  It's good therapy... well until you see the girls in bikinis and you realize your sitting on the couch eating chocolate.  Sigh...

But here's to my love of  reality TV or as we call it in our home, SMUT TV.  I mean really, where do they get these people?

Aww... but the truth is, I get so emotionally invested that I actually think that I CARE about who he is going to pick.... as if it really matters.. do they really find true love?  I don't care, or do I?

Anywho!

Who is Brad going to pick tonight?! Chantel or Emily?!?!?!

My vote goes to Emily! (For those who don't know... Emily is the blonde.)

We'll see tonight!  YAY!!! I'm so excited!!

Breaking my heart...

Over the last week or so, my heart has been breaking for my little 7 year old, Mara. She is facing things at school that I NEVER thought we would be dealing with in 1st grade.

I know that every kid deals with being teased at some point, but it happens to her on a daily basis.

Each morning when I do her hair, she cries to have me pull it back into a ponytail, because there are kids that tell her she is so ugly, she should just shave her head. So a ponytail is what we do to make her feel better, at least for the moment.

She is so consumed by what she wears, that it turns into a fight every morning before school. Her clothes "cannot make her look fat", and this includes her winter coat. A couple of weeks ago, I had found a darling dress at Walmart. Now let me be the first to say that I am not a fan of Walmart. I will go everywhere else, before I go there. BUT this dress was sooooo cute! I suggested that she wear it and she lost it. "It is from Walmart and you are making me look poor!" WHAT?! How does she know what that even means?!

From all of this, her anger has come out in ways I never thought! She has daily meltdowns that are so heartbreaking and intense for her that she literally will fall asleep afterwards because they take so much out of her. She screams and yells and throws her self on the ground. She tells me ' she is nothing and doesn't matter.'

I am heartbroken beyond belief. I cannot believe that kids can be so mean. But most important, I can't believe that she believes them! We have told her from the day she was born that she is beautiful both inside and out. Even at her age, she has been a rock for me to lean on and learn from. She is my baby! She is my life!

Part of me wants to shelter her from the cruel world, but that's just not realistic. I wish that I could just tell her that she is amazing, beautiful and unique and then I wish she would believe me. But right now, it's easier for her to believe kids than her mom and dad.

Today, I drove her to school with tears in my eyes as I watched her walk away looking deafeated before she even arrived. Her head hanging low.  No mother should have to watch that..

I will NOT put up with this! My daughter is beautiful in everyway possible. She is mine and I will fight for her! She deserves better. Everyone does! I WILL get to the bottom of this!

They consume me...

I have always loved reading, just never really took the time to do it.  There's probably a good reason for that.  Once I start a good book, nothing else matters, including my, should I say it?  My kids!  I know, books consume me!  

BUT, there is nothing that I love more than being swept away in a fantasy world, turning the pages as fast as I can devour them and ending with tears or a very full heart! ( I also love that it takes me from my daily duties of laundry, dishes, vaccuming, etc....) 

That is what the book "The Help"  did for me and LOVED it! I was hooked from the first page!

 Now I am attempting "Jane Eyre" and so far so good! I truly think that I was mistakenly born into the wrong era and should have lived in these times. Seems so romantically thrilling!

  I also have started "The Glass Castle".  I have to say, that I am totally consumed, but I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing!  I will just have to finish it and then I'll let you know!

Plain and Simple...

I want more kids. I do. I won't lie.  We lost the twin to my little Anna, and found out later that it was not a good idea for me to have anymore kids.  My body is just not wired right to handle the pregnancy thing.  And besides, B took one for the team, hee hee.  I knew that decision was final, and I am alright with that. 

Plain and simple, B and I know for a fact that our family is not complete.  There is a void and we notice it on a daily basis.  My heart earns for completion.  This would be so much easier if I could just have another baby, but that is not the answer.  At least not for us. 

So, with a lot of prayers and talking to those who have either been adopted or have adopted, we have found our answer.  A couple of weeks ago, B and I met with a counsler from the Utah Foster Care Foundation.  Our first meeting went really well.  We spoke of so many things and answered so many questions.

•  Is our family ready for an additional family member?  Have we talked to our kids about this?
• Can we handle having a child in our house for a year or more and have them taken back to their family?  Could we handle the news of the abuse or neglect of this child? 
• Would we welcome them in our home with open arms, no matter their race, religion or health problems? 
• Are we willing to help them with patience, love and concern?
• What age group do we want?  There are negatives and positives to all of them, including babies.
• They most likely will have sleep problems, behavioral and emotional problems. 
• Most of the kids hord their food because they don't know when their next meal will come.

So many questions, all came with honest answers and some with real hesitation.  I would be lying if I told you that I walked away feeling amazing and excited.  Truth is I walked away feeling scared and questioning my ability to do a good job.  Who am I to do this?  Is this right for our family?  I am not a perfect mother and our family is full of chaos on it's own.  But I did walk away feeling stronger than I ever have about the decision that B and I have made.  I have no idea what to expect.  I have no idea what the future may bring, but I am hoping that this process will bring us closer to bringing a child into our home.  I am convinced someone out there needs us as much as we need them.  I want that child to come into our home knowing that they will be loved and safe.  That's really all I want.  To give a child a chance. 

 

I hope I can do this.  It's going to take time, patience and prayer.  This road is going to have it's up's and down's, probably more down's, but we are ready. I can't wait to get to the next step.  The month of March will be full of information and classes and getting our background check done.  There will be emotions that I am sure I have never experienced and won't know how to handle.  We will just be taking this one step at a time and I truly can't wait to see what happens. 

It's gone...

It's official!  The binky is GONE!  AND it was soooo easy!  She just gave it up one day.  Put it down and hasn't looked back.  I know I should be excited about this.  This binky has been a thorn in my side for 3 and 1/2 years in more ways than I want to describe.  

But now that it's gone, I have come to realize what that binky really meant.  To ME that is...

It means my baby is no longer my 'baby'.  No more cradling and comforting her with her favorite blanket and binky plugged into her mouth.  Giving that comfort that only binky and mommy can bring!

This may sound so silly, but my heart is sad. She is growing up before my eyes and the binky was the last 'baby' thing we (I) had.  I know I will get over it, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I haven't shed a few tears over that stupid, ugly binky.