There is still 15 hours left...

I don't feel good today.  Both physically and mentally.
My body hurts, throat is sore and all I want to do is lay in front of my fireplace, sip on my big white hot chocolate and sleep.
I haven't read a good book in awhile and that doesn't help my current situation.  I need a good book.
(Any reccommendations?!  One that doesn't have to do with World War II, the Great Depression or kids killing other kids for food, would be greatly appreciated!)
My kids on the other hand, feel great! Except for Mara. The other 2 are running around the house screaming, playing and having a grand time, which makes having a sick day, that much harder.
As I lay here, my mind is going crazy. 
I don't lay down in the middle of the day too often.
There is probably a good reason for that.
I can't seem to turn my brain off.
I'm nervous about the future.
I'm nervous about going back to work.
I don't know why? I actually love to work.
I guess, it's because life will be different and that scares me.
Everyone keeps saying, "Change is good, you'll do great."
My mind gets that. It does. I really do like change.  But my body and heart can't seem to grasp it.
I think my body is just worn out from worry and stress.
Oh and you should see my face!  Literally!  I wear my stress right on it, in the form of ulcers.  It's very pretty! NOT!
I went to bed at 8:30 last night, so sick.
I yelled at B this morning.  Great send off to work, huh?!  He didn't deserve it.
I yell and he still treats me like an angel. 
It hasn't been a great day, but I guess there is still 15 hours left in the day.
It's going to get better....

It's Official...

Last night at exactly 5:40PM, I said, "Yes!" to a new endeavour in my life.  Well, it's not actually new, but, long story short, I took my old job back at Hotel Monaco- Salt Lake City!  I will once again be the Director of Sales and Marketing.  Check this place out!  It's crazy awesome!

AND,

At this exact moment, I am feeling...

anxiety

hope

excitement

sadness

wonder

amazement

oh... the list could go on and on...

I'm all over the place!

But, this decision DID NOT come lightly!

I prayed and talked and prayed and talked and guessed and prayed some more.

This opportunity came out of the blue for me.  I didn't go looking for it.  It basically fell in my lap and I am not sure why.

So, I interviewed with about 15 different people, no I'm NOT kidding.

It felt good.  So, I'm going to do this!  I am going to try.

YES, I am scared!  But only because, I'm scared to leave my kids.

But another long story short, I found a nanny!  A REALLY good nanny!  

I HAVE  a NANNY!

WHAT?!  CRAZY!

This is a new adventure and it will be an adjustment, but I couldn't turn it down and never know if I am capable of doing all of this. 

I am thankful for a loving and wonderful family and friends that have my back and gave me amazing advice.

I am thankful for my husband who supports all of my crazy aspirations!

I am thankful for my kiddos, who are actually excited to have a nanny and to as they say, "have some freedom...'''  What the?!

Happy.

On backwards...

B has been a traveling maniac lately!  His business is crazy right now and that's a good thing.  Even though we don't get to see him a whole lot. 

He was gone for 22 days straight, then home for 3 and then gone again and again and again.  He was exhausted.  Most of his travel has been by car.  He got home the other day and walked in.  I looked him up and down and before I could kiss him, I noticed something that just wasn't right.

YEP!

That's right!

The poor guy had his shirt on backwards.

Do you think he was tired?!

And to top it off, it stayed that way the rest of the night.



St. Patrick's Day fun and not so fun...

Am I the only one that thinks St. Patrick's Day is silly?!

Oh well, we celebrated anyway!

Of course the leprachans came to visit and left some treats.

 Poor little Anna was so sick!  No fun!  She had the stomach flu and just couldn't keep anything down!

 We had our church party that I was in charge of decorating.  I'm sad I didn't get pictures, but it turned out cute.  William was helping with the balloons and having a great time in the wind!  If you look closely, you can see Mara's feet!

Hope everyone had a great day doing whatever it is we do on St. Patricks Day!

Soaking it in...

The weather has been warm, a little too warm for this time of the year.  But, here we are soaking it up in this beautiful place we call home.  I am so happy that 7 years ago, we decided to move here.  It's perfect for our family.

All over the place...

Yesterday was hard on me for some reason. I have a TON on my mind.  So many things are happening all at once.  I have some pretty major decisions to make in the next couple of days and  to top things off, I got that horrible wake up call at 2AM in the morning by William running down the hallway puking.  Am I an awful mom when my first thought upon hearing him puke was... "Oh NO, the brand new carpet!"  Yes, I'll admit it!  But the trail started in his room and went down the hallway! ALL THE WAY, down the hallway.  GROSS beyond GROSS!  It's moments like that when being a mom just plain old SUCKS.  I wanted to die cleaning it all up!  Thank heaven Brandon was home.  He has been traveling WAY to much and I miss him so.  Last night I got to snuggle up with him and talk.  We talked for what seems like forever and I loved every moment.  I am so deeply in love with that man.

But my heart aches right now.  Not for me, which seems like a first.  I usually am having pity parties on here, but today my heart aches for so many wonderful people that I love.  There are so many struggling with different things and I wish sometimes I had a magic wand and could cure it all.  Some are struggling with health issues, money issues, loss of loved ones, self esteem issues, marriage issues and so on. Why do we have to struggle?  I guess its so recognize the good when we do finally have it.  Hence the reason for self agency.  And would curing all of our heart aches really help?  Probably not, but it would sometimes be nice to find out. huh?  There have been many times when I have wanted to push the reset button.  But truthfully, I don't think I would be who I am or where I am at if I did have that reset button.

Down deep I think there are times when we are all too hard on ourselves. Which leads me to ask this question?! Or should I say these questions.

Are our feelings REALLY a choice? Especially in the midst of a trial?

Is life a constant competition?  And if not, then why do we make it out that way?

Why do we put so much stock into what or how others perceive us?  Or better yet, how we may perceive ourselves?  I know that every human being has the innate desire to want to be accepted.  Our world surrounds us by constant acceptance or no acceptance at all, which is not always good.  FB, pinterest, twitter.... just to name a few.  But do we put too much pressure upon ourselves to be just that?  Perfect. AND, is anyone really perfect?

(Are you still with me? Because I am all over the place!)

Why do we care?  What keeps us going, pushing on, keeping up? 

I don't have all the answers.  I wish I did, that would be pretty cool.  Truth is, I have this exact problem.  There are times where I feel like life is that ongoing talent show and I am trying to keep up.  Keep up with posts of people doing amazing things on their blogs, facebooks, and heaven knows we would all love everything we post onto pinterest.  I have been caught trying so hard to keep up with everyone around me that sometimes I have failed to notice my own distinct talents and blessings.  I have failed to recognize what blessings are surrounding me because perhaps I have been too busy worrying about how others see me and maybe thinking that their blessings are bigger than mine?! phew.... It all makes me too tired!

I will tell you that all the people out there who seem perfect, are far from it.  And who's to say what perfect is? 

I sure don't know the answers to these questions, but I can say one thing is for sure.  This life is hard enough to worry about being perfect for somebody else.  Besides, I am not sure the worlds definition of  'perfect' would be very fulfilling, at least for me.  We all have to experience pain to have joy and famine to happily indulge in the feast. 

In the end, the only person we can be responsible for is our self.  And we must remember to be who you were MEANT to be and that takes courage.  We must remember that everyone has trouble, but what we decide to do with that trouble can define us and make us stronger in ways we never thought possible.  We must remember that "sometimes the prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets.  The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears and kindest hearts have felt the most pain."  The trick is overcoming that and just being youself.  I am confident the world will be a better place and you will be a better person. 

Thats all for now! 

A question for you moms out there...

To work, or not to work?  That is my question.
I have had an unexpected opportunity present itself and needless to say, I have NO idea what to do! 
Last Friday I received a phone call from a very good friend of mine who just happens to be my old boss.  Long story short, he told me that they would love to talk to me about coming back to my old job.
What the What?!  (That's apparently my new phrase since I find myself saying it probably TOO much! OK, OK I'm trying not to swear! so what seems like a better choice than the obvious.)
But, what the what?!  I was NOT expecting that phone call on a Friday afternoon!

I am TORN!
I have about 50 emotions going on inside of me every time I think of this situation.
Excitement, nervousness, doubt, happiness, pride, the list keeps going!
So, I have made a list of pros and cons.  Here they are!

PROS
More Money! 
Health Insurance for FREE!
Let's just say, that phone call was a much needed boost to my self worth! :)
I loved my job! 
I love the people! 
Travel Benefits!

CONS
I would have to hire a nanny to help with the kids.
Anna would be in all day preschool, which would cost a LOT of money!  Try $781.00 a month to be exact!  (again, what the what?!)
I wouldn't be able to be available to my kids at all times of the day
I would have to re-invest in professional clothing.
Basically when all is said and done, the cons are all about my kids.

So, What do I do?! 
Brandon said to me, "nothing ventured nothing gained."
Do I follow my husband's advice and go back to work?
I didn't go looking for this opportunity. It came to me and for that I am thankful and even flattered.
I want to know what you would all do?!
I am leaning heavily towards, YES.  YIKES!
It actually sounds wonderful, less the cons!
WHAT would you do?!
Do you work and if so, what do you think of it?! 
Please Please help me!