Leave it alone...

Last week was hard for a lot of different reasons. 

I won't go into a ton of detail. It's not necessary. I do however, need to write or I will go insane!

B had his annual Neurological appointment.  They did an MRI.  It is the first one in 2 1/2 years.  We were hopeful that either nothing had changed from the last one OR maybe by some divine intervention, things with his head had actually gotten better.  We wanted good news.  Well, we got neither.  Something HAD changed.  There is a new growth by the spot that we were already watching. It looks identical.  It's tricky this time though.  We have the option to biopsy it, BUT that could be very dangerous. OR, we could just leave it alone and hope that it's nothing since they don't know what it is in the first place.

Leave it alone.  hmmm... I hate these words.  More than you know.  'Alone' is how I have felt throughout this whole adventure with B's illnesses.  'Leave' is another word I am not proud to say that I have used on occasion in the last 5 years.  Obviously, I have not gone anywhere, it's not an option, not at all.  Sometimes I do feel totally alone. Scared and wandering aimlessly in the dark. I  know I shouldn't.  I have wonderful friends who have been there for me always.  I have the most incredible husband too.  This is all happening to him and yet, he is having to take care of me.  Ironic really when I am the healthy one.  Yet, I wander.  In search for answers and waiting for the next thing to happen.  Waiting for the bad.  It consumes me sometimes so I look for a distraction. Painting seems to be my favorite distraction now a day's!  Just take a look at my house.  You'll see.

I will say there is a part of me that has hope.  And it's a BIG part.  A part of me that is hanging on to faith like it's my final life line.  I have faith that what we are going through will one day make us better.  Maybe because we will get through this and be able to help others, or maybe there is some really big lesson that we need to learn and this is the only way it can happen.  Whatever the reason,  I want my husband and my kids to know that I/WE are not ALONE in this or anything that we may have to endure.  The scriptures say 'endure' not glide or idle by, but endure to the end and you will be saved.  So I endure with faith, sometimes

perhaps letting those 2 ugly words take over for awhile, but it will just make me stronger.  My family stronger. 

I also want my kids to know that I am so head over heels, completely infatuated and totally in love with their daddy.  He is my everything.  He is the strongest person I have ever met.  Both physically and spiritually.

He is funny and the nicest man to all.  Even at his angriest, he is still completely nice.  Which sometimes bugs me, but that's the pessimist in me talking.  He is loyal and hard working.  He would rather die than to let his family go without anything that they want let alone need.  So, thank you B.  I'm so sorry that we have to go through this, but it will be ok, WE will be ok and I can't wait to see what our future may bring.  I LOVE YOU!

Also, everyone should watch this video for some spiritural strength.  I love it!

Many faces of Anna...

I Love this kid...  Just looking at her face makes me happy.

She is always just plain happy about life.

A Piano for free...

2 years ago, almost to the day I was in search for a piano.  I was looking everywhere.  On ebay, ksl.com, want ads, you name it!  I didn't have a ton of money to purchase one with, so I knew I wasn't going to get the best piano ever or an easy task.  I am quite certain that B thought I was nuts.  Let's just say, I needed a piano for under $300.  Ya I know, impossible.  I answered every ad and the piano's that I was finding were either gone in a flash because of their price, or too run down and in need of major repairs.  I kept looking.. for about 3 months. 

And then, one night at around 12AM, I was laying in bed and could not sleep.  I grabbed my phone and looked on ksl again and there it was.  An ad.  No picture. Just a sign that said, "Free Piano".  Ya right!  Anything that is free is too good to be true, right?!  I couldn't sleep that night! I HAD to try for that piano and I wanted to know if this ad was legit, but I couldn't call at 1 in the morning!  So, I waited until 7AM and called.  An older woman answered the phone.  I told her that I was interested in free piano.  I asked her what was wrong with it and why it was free.  She preceeded to tell me that she was 89 years old.  She hadn't played the piano in almost 20 years and this piano was just sitting, musicless in her home.  Her only desire was to have the piano go to a good home where it would be able to fill the home with music.  I told her that I had 3 kids and my desire was for them to play the piano.  This would be the perfect piano for them to learn on.  She then said, "Oh good!  This makes me happy. This is the piano that all of my children learned to play on.  Merry Christmas and please take care of it." 

After 2 years of having that piano, I can now say that it fills my home with music.  Thanks to the most amazing and patient piano teacher ever, Mara's music fills my home and heart with joy!  I have always wanted to play, but now I can see my kids play and I can't tell you what that means to me. AND, I can't believe that there are still people in this world today that will give such a wonderful gift to those they do not know.  I am thankful for that woman and her free piano.  I only wish I remembered her name. 

So, Thank you Shar for teaching Mara!

And, thank you to the woman for giving such a wonderful gift.

Saved 10%...

So here it is! Our christmas card... and the ONLY reason I have it on here is so I can save 10% on my next order on shutterfly! HEE HEE

Wishing You Merry Christmas Card

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Today I am thankful for...

...the beautiful skies in Utah. I sent this picture to my mom, who lives in New York now, and she said that she doesn't see the sky anymore. That made my heart hurt, because where I live, all I really get to see is sky!

 This view was from my front porch last night. I went outside to bring in the garbage cans and quickly ran to get my camera!  The sky changes quickly!

 This picture does NOT do the scene justice.  The sky was getting darker and the sun was shining on the mountains behind.  It was truly breathtaking.  So much so, that my kids all stopped playing in amazement.

This is our house with Mt. Timp behind it shining brightly!

I am grateful!

We came, we saw, we didn't wait...

Last week was a BIG in the state of UT, or at least in the Elggren household!  We got an H&M and Crate and Barrel at Fashion Place mall!

Oh, and B would like me to mention the North Face Store too... Oh the excitement! 

I remember going to H&M years ago in New York.  Everytime I went, I would bring an extra suitcase, just for the things I got there!  Oh ya, and I also saw Heidi Klum a couple times too!

So to join in on the excitement, we got a babysitter, went to dinner and went to see these exciting new stores!  BUT, there was a line to get into the store!  A line that was 2 !/2 hours long! The picture above doesn't do the line justice. It went out the doors around almost to Dillards and then came back again!)  Are you freaking kidding me?!  Uh... no thanks! SO, we came, we saw and we didn't wait in the line.  BUT, we had fun and I came back Monday morning and guess what?!  There was only a 30 minute line to the register!  WOO HOO!

Today I'm grateful for...

...My girls.  I found this note in Anna's room.  Mara likes to write notes.  She writes them to anyone and everyone!  This one makes my heart jump in happiness.  I will always be grateful that they have each other!