I'm pretty sure I experienced almost every emotion possible yesterday. Well, maybe not all of them, but pretty darn close. All for reasons that shall remain only with me and my family. Let's just say, yesterday was a day of needed change and possible closure to something that just really needs to go far far away. I hope anyway. We have had a struggle in our family that has always been there since we said "I do"... day one, actually far before that. One that has put my marriage at risk time after time and our family to become a possible statistic. I also know that if I don't write about it, it may consume me and take me down with it like it almost did yesterday. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. I don't think I can. So please bear with me while I write what I am truly thinking.
For as long as I can remember, I have been envious of those around me that seem to put on a good show of a 'perfect life'. They surrounded me growing up.... But then one of those families was torn apart by something awful! I watched up close and from afar as my dear friends 'perfect family' came crashing down. Secrets were no longer secrets and an eternal marriage was no longer. This happened nearly 18 years ago and the affects that this one mistake has had on the future of this family have been huge! All 4 kids have gone far away from what they once believed in. Family, religion, trust. They are hurting... And I don't blame them. Some may call it a lack of faith... I call it something else. Everyone has choices that they have to make daily. Choices that may affect only them or perhaps everyone one around them. Maybe we don't know who it will affect until it actually does. I will remember this situation always.
Recently my heart was broken. But not for long. The wrong that has happened in our family will and can be made right. The desire to make it right is there. And for this, I am grateful. There are some very strong influences out in the world today. Bad influences that are out to destroy families and future generations. I want nothing but the best for my family and their future families. Who doesn't?
Now this is where I get a little cheesy...
First and foremost, we must forgive. Then and only then, can we all be healed through something that is much more powerful than the influence that leads us to make the mistakes. Not only can we take away the mistake, but anger that consumes us because of them. The Atonement is real and the most powerful gift that has been given to all of us. For this, I am truly thankful. Forgiveness in my opinion must come first. And, it has to come from both sides. It makes no sense to hold onto feelings of hurt and anger. It can only destroy us further. "When you forgive, you are in no way changing the past, but you sure do change the future."
We are currently headed into my favorite time of the year. The holidays. What a beautiful time of year. A chance to remember the birth of our Savior. The chance to heal and remember what is truly important. Family. My family means everything to me. I will do everything I can to make sure we are strong and live in faith even when it seems almost impossible.
I saw a quote yesterday that I needed to hear and I shall end with the beauty and simplicity of it's words. Stay strong... Have faith that good will always prevail.
"You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it." Anonymous
