All over the place...

Yesterday was hard on me for some reason. I have a TON on my mind.  So many things are happening all at once.  I have some pretty major decisions to make in the next couple of days and  to top things off, I got that horrible wake up call at 2AM in the morning by William running down the hallway puking.  Am I an awful mom when my first thought upon hearing him puke was... "Oh NO, the brand new carpet!"  Yes, I'll admit it!  But the trail started in his room and went down the hallway! ALL THE WAY, down the hallway.  GROSS beyond GROSS!  It's moments like that when being a mom just plain old SUCKS.  I wanted to die cleaning it all up!  Thank heaven Brandon was home.  He has been traveling WAY to much and I miss him so.  Last night I got to snuggle up with him and talk.  We talked for what seems like forever and I loved every moment.  I am so deeply in love with that man.

But my heart aches right now.  Not for me, which seems like a first.  I usually am having pity parties on here, but today my heart aches for so many wonderful people that I love.  There are so many struggling with different things and I wish sometimes I had a magic wand and could cure it all.  Some are struggling with health issues, money issues, loss of loved ones, self esteem issues, marriage issues and so on. Why do we have to struggle?  I guess its so recognize the good when we do finally have it.  Hence the reason for self agency.  And would curing all of our heart aches really help?  Probably not, but it would sometimes be nice to find out. huh?  There have been many times when I have wanted to push the reset button.  But truthfully, I don't think I would be who I am or where I am at if I did have that reset button.

Down deep I think there are times when we are all too hard on ourselves. Which leads me to ask this question?! Or should I say these questions.

Are our feelings REALLY a choice? Especially in the midst of a trial?

Is life a constant competition?  And if not, then why do we make it out that way?

Why do we put so much stock into what or how others perceive us?  Or better yet, how we may perceive ourselves?  I know that every human being has the innate desire to want to be accepted.  Our world surrounds us by constant acceptance or no acceptance at all, which is not always good.  FB, pinterest, twitter.... just to name a few.  But do we put too much pressure upon ourselves to be just that?  Perfect. AND, is anyone really perfect?

(Are you still with me? Because I am all over the place!)

Why do we care?  What keeps us going, pushing on, keeping up? 

I don't have all the answers.  I wish I did, that would be pretty cool.  Truth is, I have this exact problem.  There are times where I feel like life is that ongoing talent show and I am trying to keep up.  Keep up with posts of people doing amazing things on their blogs, facebooks, and heaven knows we would all love everything we post onto pinterest.  I have been caught trying so hard to keep up with everyone around me that sometimes I have failed to notice my own distinct talents and blessings.  I have failed to recognize what blessings are surrounding me because perhaps I have been too busy worrying about how others see me and maybe thinking that their blessings are bigger than mine?! phew.... It all makes me too tired!

I will tell you that all the people out there who seem perfect, are far from it.  And who's to say what perfect is? 

I sure don't know the answers to these questions, but I can say one thing is for sure.  This life is hard enough to worry about being perfect for somebody else.  Besides, I am not sure the worlds definition of  'perfect' would be very fulfilling, at least for me.  We all have to experience pain to have joy and famine to happily indulge in the feast. 

In the end, the only person we can be responsible for is our self.  And we must remember to be who you were MEANT to be and that takes courage.  We must remember that everyone has trouble, but what we decide to do with that trouble can define us and make us stronger in ways we never thought possible.  We must remember that "sometimes the prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets.  The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears and kindest hearts have felt the most pain."  The trick is overcoming that and just being youself.  I am confident the world will be a better place and you will be a better person. 

Thats all for now!